A Hundred Reasons to Quit Church…But I Only Need One to Stay

I was a late-comer to the world of Protestantism. Various church settings are comfortable to me, but I have found a home in the mainstream evangelical church. Growing up, I was raised in the Roman Catholic Tradition, but didn’t complete the Sacrament of Confirmation until I was in college. When I entered Protestantism, I never understood why there were so many personal and theological conflicts within churches. Sometimes, its straight-up vitriol inside them. I was immune to it at first because I was a newcomer. Now, years later, after enduring two failed church plants and serving as a licensed pastor in a large denomination, I have my own wounds from the church. Yet, I happily keep going.

In the years I have been inside evangelicalism, I have been manipulated by pastors, sharply criticized by others, and have been explicitly told that my medical mission work is not part of the church. Specifically, leaders have told me, “I’d never recommend you as a pastor” and that “You can’t use that room to share about your mission trip and ask for money. It could take away from the tithe.” Really? I’ve also been looked over for pastoral positions, left out of important meetings, told that “I like to do my own thing”, and that “I have a reputation.” (The last critique was justified. When my church was spending millions of dollars on a church building, I did say we were focusing way too much on it, and we should burn it down and meet instead in a barn.)

Maybe like you, I have been hurt by the church and now empathize with others like me. So, why do I still go?

I’ve Been Hurt by Church but I Still Go

The main reason I attend church is that I am part of the Body of Christ. Even though I have been hurt by it, I am essential to it. My presence is needed, my gifts will bless others, and I uniquely reflect Christ in a way that no one else could replicate. If I don’t go, the Body of Christ won’t be complete. 1 Corinthians Chapter 12, Paul makes a treatise on the importance of the Body of Christ. He states, “All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it” (v. 12). Just because you don’t go to church doesn’t make you not part of the Body. But it does indicate that there is a deeper emotional or spiritual issue that needs to be addressed.

The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit. (1 Corinthians 12:12-13)

It doesn’t matter what your gifts are, the church needs them. If you have the gift of encouragement, use it. If it’s serving others, administration, teaching, or prophecy, or giving, you were meant to use them in the church, regardless of what’s been done or said to you in the past.

I also realize that I’m part of the problem. Some say that people in the church are “hypocrites” but the truth is, we are all hypocrites. “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” Thankfully, the Spirit “makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image” (2 Corinthians 3:18). I am thankful God forgave me, but we are in danger if don’t forgive others. Who in the church do you need to forgive? Jesus didn’t mince words when He said, “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15, NLT).

Scripture Commands that We Gather in Some Way

The Bible also commands believers in Jesus Christ to be part of a church. Hebrews 10:25 states, “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” If God wants us to be part of a Christian community–no matter how faulty it can be–then I need to go. But being part of a church doesn’t mean you need to travel each week to a massive cathedral or 10,000-seat auditorium on Sunday. In fact, the church isn’t a building at all. Christians who gather in the name of Jesus Christ to pray, worship Him, and break bread are “the church.” The church is just as legit (if not more) if everyone meets in a park, restaurant, or someone’s house.

What about the argument that a friend of mine used: “I can be a Christian and not go to church.” I didn’t judge his motive, but it did make me tilt my head and wonder why a believer wouldn’t want to gather with others. But it makes sense when I realized that a slew of believers don’t attend church because they’ve been hurt by it. At the same time, not going isn’t an option. We need each other’s gifts, encouragement, and presence to stay connected to God.

Another reason I go to church is that, like Catholics, I believe that the fullness of Christ is only found in the Body of Believers. The leaders and the people sitting around me have spiritual gifts I don’t. When I go to church, I’m surrounded by dozens, hundreds, or thousands of other people who have the Holy Spirit dwelling in them. Fellowship is not only encouraging, it’s spiritual. Because, “The one who says he remains in him should walk just as he walked” (1 John 2:16, CSB). How could we possibly live as Jesus would without a committed and supportive community? Mature, cowboy Christians, don’t exist. There is safety in community. For one thing, being part of a learning community protects your theology. On the other hand, practically, like a herd of water buffalo, people that leave the pack and wander on their own get picked off by the predators. “Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour (1 Peter 5:8, CSB).

Do You Go to Give or Receive?

Another important reason for me to attend church is to bless others. If I had a quarter for every time I heard “The worship isn’t good” or “I heard that sermon before” or “No one greeted me at church today”, I’d own the sports car I really want. Just throw off all your consumeristic expectations of getting at church and start giving. “The Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive'” (Acts 20:35). If you had a bad week, feel depressed, or just don’t feel like going, I guarantee there’s another person feeling the same way. Go encourage them. In the giving you’ll get filled-up–I promise.

Lastly, you’ll be blessed with your obedience. Though I might have heard a similar sermon ten times, I always learn something. I just need to listen–not only to the preacher but to the Holy Spirit. Attending church reorients me to Scripture every Sunday and, for that alone, it’s worth going.

As Dallas Willard states, “Many people have their eyes too much on organizations and people. And they always disappoint.” Are you putting your faith in Christ in or in the church? “Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus” (Hebrew 12:1-2). Where is your focus? There are no perfect churches. Two years ago, there was a season when I didn’t know if I’d stay at my church, but I chose to stay. I’m glad I did.

Get Healing, Then Be a Blessing to Others

I’m not advocating that you remain at a toxic church–I had to leave one of those several years ago. I needed time to let my heart heal. But all churches are flawed. Why? Because we are all flawed men and women. So, go in peace, let God heal the chip on your shoulder as He did for me. Be part of the solution, and be a blessing to your church, even if it frustrates you at times.