Handing Ashkan the dollar-fifty train ticket, I wished I could have bought my refugee friend a boarding pass to my country instead. He feels stuck. Isolated. “I wish I could leave from Greece,” he admitted. He added, “I never fly on plane before,” in broken English. Maybe in the future.”

I can’t imagine not being able to leave the country I live in. With my privilege, I’ve always whisked myself from one foreign land to the next with little thought. Raising funds for altruistic adventures never has been a setback. And vacation time? Being unmarried and spending months in Europe always gives me time to visit neighboring nations.

But I know what it’s like to feel stuck. Do you? I’m a single guy who wants to be double. My bank account has enough money to pay the bills, but I’d like to buy a sportscar. (Why did God give me a passion for missions and Maserati’s? Ask Him! They don’t seem to match.) And maybe, like me, you aren’t worried about whether you can leave your country, but you’d like to move forward in life.

In what area are you stuck?

We can feel like we’re in prison via a relationship that isn’t happening, a dead-end job, indecision, an emotional or physical wound that won’t heal, or finances that aren’t accruing. Any area of our life has the chance of feeling like we’re pacing back and forth, clinging our tin cup against the iron bars. God, are you working? Lord, should I capitulate in front of this closed door or kick it down? It isn’t easy to give a prescription without knowing your circumstances, but here are some tips to get unstuck, break free, and move forward in life towards your dreams and passions.

First, getting unstuck probably won’t happen overnight (but it could). Earning a book deal was a massive breakthrough for me, but I worked hard for a year on the proposal. After that, I spent five months beating the bushes to find a publisher. Before then, I started small. Nine years ago, I began writing blog posts that only a few people read. Then I began sending those posts to websites. Obtaining incremental successes built the confidence within me to keep pushing further toward my goal.

Second, success and breakthroughs are often found after digging through an avalanche of hard work. I carved out time for writing retreats (the one in the mountains wasn’t bad), needed to motivate myself daily, got lazy, started writing again, wrote thousands of unused words to find the good ones, finished several drafts, and paid editors. It wasn’t a linear process, and it took three times as long as I thought it would. But guess what? I.got.it.done. Praise God. Now, I have a book deal.

Thirdly, finding freedom in one area elicits freedom in other areas. Break the burdensome chains of addiction, and you’ll be free to love more. Get that promotion at work, along with more vacation time, and now you can schedule that mission trip to the Congo. Get married, and you are free to have sex. Publish a book on dating, and maybe I’ll get married. Maybe. Our faith is not a formula, but God’s principle still exists: Freedom begets freedom.

How do you begin to get unstuck? When my friend became frustrated, her dad would ask her.

Where are you?
Where do you want to go?
How will you get there?

Where are you?

Location isn’t only about your GPS coordinates, but your state of mind, spiritual life, and the frustration lurking an inch from your nose. If you want to be somewhere else, you need to know where to begin. In other words, what’s your starting point? Assess yourself and your circumstances but don’t judge yourself. Admit your mistakes but let God absolve you. It’s OK to feel down but don’t get down on yourself. Grieve the lost time and forgive yourself so you can move forward.

Where do you want to be?

What is it that you want? Marriage? Happiness? Healing? Freedom from an addiction? A new car, like me? What’s your vision for what you want to create? What’s the place where you want your heart to travel to where it can thrive? Dig deeper. Are your desires only surface level? Ask yourself, “What do I want?” “What are the deepest desires God placed on my heart?” As C.S. Lewis said:

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Ask God. Pray. And commit to floating up to heaven before you’ll settle for less than what God has for you. I don’t know about you, but I’m going out swinging.

How will you get there?

What’s your plan of attack? What are the resources available to you now so that you can get where you want to be? How will you free up your time, money, or energy to move forward? Again, start small. I could begin saving fifty dollars per month in my sportscar savings account. Better yet, I could invest that money and see faster gains.

Too often, we act as lackadaisical Christians–I being the King of Procrastination. As Dallas Willard states, “God’s grace isn’t passive; it’s active.” Go for it. God’s grace is God’s power, and He will help you. Are you waiting for the Lord, or is He waiting for you? It’s not the Holy Spirit delaying you. Take note and pause if you get a clear, big red stop sign. Otherwise, keep going.

To get unstuck, you’ll need to develop new processes. You might have to wake up earlier, hit the gym after work, or say no to the donut so you can get in shape. Discipline can be defined as doing what you really want to do.

Categorize problems in this way:

Fixable?

Is there someone or something that you are longing for that is broken? Can it be fixed? For example, if it’s a broken relationship, are you only ruminating over it, or can you do something to change it? It’s no less godly to take action and contact that person than it is to wait. As Henry Cloud states, “You can find out if something is fixable only by getting busy and fixing it. Are you letting it sit there, or are you dealing with it?”

Let Go?

Some people will move forward only when they are ready to let go. Maybe you need to burn photos of someone in a special ceremony, cut emotional ties with an old flame, or forgive a previous boss. Let go. I’ve learned to stop asking so many Why questions. As someone said, “It’s not wise to ask why’s.” There are scat answers to why-questions. Receiving answers to the why’s doesn’t change our circumstances–they only give us context to why we are suffering.

Timothy Keller said, “God doesn’t give us answers to the why questions but gives us promises.” To cut needless cables, you may need the help of a pastor or counselor. I’ve been to many professionals. However you do it, let go and let live.

Backup?

For a few, their future is behind them. You don’t feel right about that breakup or the job you left. A splinter in your heart tells you that you aren’t settled in your new situation. For you to move forward, you must return to where you once were. Don’t beat yourself up: You needed your current circumstances to mold you into the person you needed to be. Release regret. There were things you could only learn by leaving what once was. Go back. But return to that situation as the new person you became in the process.

Try Something New

Are you the kind of person who needs someone to shove a broomstick in the spokes of your bike to get you to do something different? I am. I hate change. I’m like a huge cargo ship in the ocean that takes a tugboat to turn. My skull probably contains permanent lumps from hitting myself in the head so many times in the same spot. I invented the school of hard knocks by my own lack of learning. In my mom’s words, “When you hit a wall, turn.” NEW THINGS OFTEN FLOURISH when I pry myself out of my comfort zone.

What about you? Is it time to take that writing course you’ve always wanted to, apply for the management position, or move to a new state?

Change Your Perspective

Are you close to where you want to be but don’t even know it? Years ago, a teacher asked our class to draw a picture of our dream job. I drew a gangly stick figure of myself teaching while standing on the globe. My dream was to teach around the world, and guess what? I’m doing it. I’m even writing a book. I don’t have everything I want—and never will—but I’m moving forward.

Getting unstuck is also about realizing you’re closer to your goal than you think. You need a mirror to reflect how far you have come towards your goals. Be thankful, and don’t give up on what God has put on your heart until you’re among clouds and plucking the harp.

Change Requires Courage

Frame your freedom with these questions. It takes courage to assess where you’re at, where you want to go, and how you’ll get there. Courage can be defined as the virtue of acting in congruence with what is ultimately right and just, no matter the cost. Courage does not act in the absence of fear but despite it. Courage is often contrary to the path of least resistance, and it acts in a way that is most loving for others, even when it might have to suffer pain.

C.S. Lewis stated that “Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” So much of how far we get in this short life is based on courage. Do we have the courage to change? Can we do what is right when we might be embarrassed, ridiculed, or persecuted for our dreams? Do we have the courage to stick to the course that God has called us to, even when lesser scintillating opportunities arise? Do we have the wherewithal to be vulnerable, look at ourselves, and change? Do we have the courage to have the faith that we can trust God, even when circumstances look bleak?

Figure out where you’re at, where you want to go, what you want to do, and who you want to be there with. Get unstuck. When you fall, fall forward. Chase those dreams with everything you’ve got.