Do You Love Someone or is it a Fling? Here’s How to Know.

Some relationships are fun but frivolous. They are like shooting stars that shimmer brightly then quickly fade. Other couples keep their lights shining unto marriage and for the rest of their lives. The couples who make it to marriage push down deep roots that not only withstand the storms of life, but bear much fruit as a result of many hardships. It’s best to know (as soon as possible) which kind of relationship you want and which you are in now. No one wants to experience needless pain. How do we delineate between a relationship with staying power versus the kind that will evaporate like a star? My mentor, Dr. Tim Nelson, taught me that all healthy relationships go through seasons.

Summer

In summer, loves comes easy. Everything in the relationship is fantastic! You might have recently met or have been together for a while and finally broke through from winter. In this season, you aren’t working for love—either you recently met, or you’ve done a ton of work as a couple to get back to this season. You are ecstatic about the relationship. It feels incredible as you text, talk on the phone, walk together, and cook together. You find yourself frolicking as you travel to work and people ask you about that big smile on your face.

Fall

The relationship has stabilized. Some of the warm and fuzzy feelings have faded. You don’t feel as amazing as you did in summer, but joy is still present between you and your partner. The sun shines, but clouds have crept in too. If you’re honest, you still have good times, but you feel frustration in your relationship. You’re experiencing the doldrums of life. The relationship climate is sometimes dreary. You think, What happened to effortless love?

Winter

The relationship temperature is cold. You might have endured a big fight, a tragedy in the family, or a betrayal. The relationship is intact, but it’s tattered. You think, Did I make the right choice with this person? Will this dreariness ever end? You feel pain and misunderstanding. You sleep within inches of each other at night but are miles apart emotionally. You often lament as you remember how much fun you had in the summer season. But something (you might not even know what) keeps you committed to them. Will winter last forever?

Spring

The ground is thawing. It’s still cool, but the trees are budding again, and the joy is returning. The clouds are parting, and you experience the blue skies again. You and your partner are now having fun once more, and the lovey-dovey feelings are growing. As you look back, you realize you’ve learned a lot about yourself and the other person from the cold spell. You didn’t enjoy winter, but you know you and your relationship are stronger for enduring. You are excited because you know summer is arriving soon.

In the four seasons, you found both joy and pain, but your relationship remained together. You and that man or woman were tested and are stronger for it. This is a good sign that you love the person, and it’s not a fling.

What season is your relationship in? Do you agree with the four seasons?