Dating isn’t a perfect solution to finding a mate, but it’s the most ubiquitous process used in the West. The problem with dating is that chances are, you’re going to experience at least a couple of breakups. Moving on and letting go of someone is difficult for the heart, and the longer the relationship continues, the more taxing the separation is. Healing takes place with time, prayer, counsel, and the Lord’s grace. But it doesn’t happen overnight.

Here’s what I recommend to recover from a breakup.

Recovery Takes Time

First, you’re not in a hurry to recover. There’s no race to see how fast you can heal.  heart takes longer to heal than a broken bone. Likewise, emotional pain is often greater than physical kind.

The first attribute of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is patience. The Apostle Paul placed it first because it’s a prominent and undeniable feature of love. If love is anything, it’s patient. That means to be kind and gracious with yourself and to heal in your timeframe. My mentor used to tell me, “Eric, be kind to yourself.” Go, and do likewise.

As you heal, you can also take time to see how you can grow. Why keep making the same mistakes? Even if you believe it was ultimately their fault and the other person is to blame for the breakup, there are always gems of growth that you can mine from it. Stay in this season of recovery to discover what you could do better next time. Maybe you’ll find you weren’t as patient as you thought. Perhaps you realize that you’re acting like your overbearing mother or repeating unhealthy patterns from your father. God won’t waste your pain, so look for the diamonds in the rough.

Don’t Compare Your Dating Journey

Second, you are on your journey and no one else’s. Comparison is toxic to joy. Looking around, seeing how your friend got married before you did—that’s not helpful. Instead, run the race God marked out for you. Whether you find that special person today or in ten years, live your life and be thankful for the journey God has you on.

Comparison is about evaluating your life against another’s. Either you’ll feel prideful that your life is better or envy that you don’t have what they have. A husband or a wife is a gift, and God gives gifts freely and in His own time. Wanting what your neighbor has to the point of jealousy is a sin. The Tenth Commandment is not to covet. Exodus 20:17 states, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Stay in your lane, and focus on the God who is for you. He invented marriage and has been matchmaking since Adam and Eve. Statistics reveal that 90% of people get married at some point in life, so the chances you’ll eventually meet your mate is very high.

Surround Yourself With Others Who Love and Support You

When King David (before he was king) was in trouble, his best friend Jonathan supported him. David was running for his life when the Bible says, “And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.” This kind of friendship is exactly what you need when you experience a breakup—someone to help you find strength in the Lord. And it’s not just a one-time thing. Hebrews 13:3 states, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”

When your heart hurts, it’s easy to isolate yourself and avoid people. But find people who love you and surround yourself with them. Find a friend or a mentor you trust and pour your heart out to them. God will use your community to bring healing.

Conclusion

Breaking-up is about grieving. As tough as it is, you must patiently sit through the pain and let God heal your heart. Take your time as you do this and don’t compare your dating journey with anyone else. Also, surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Thankfully, Jesus promises you that “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).

What are your thoughts on this topic? For more of my thoughts on dating, break-up, and singleness, check out my new dating book, How Should a Christian Date? It’s Not as Complicated as You Think.